How do you define a date? A question that seems appropriate for this time of year, even if I am a few days late for Valentine’s day.
Not long ago I went out with a female friend of mine. We spent the evening in a pub getting pleasantly tipsy, swapping stories and giggling together, generally enjoying each other’s company. At the end of the night I walked back to the station with her to see her on to her train, we hugged goodbye and I walked home. It was only on my way back I was struck by the thought that if that had been a first date I would have considered it a reasonably successful one (I’d have been confident of getting a second date anyway), so why didn’t I consider it a date? Which takes me back to the original question, how do you define a date?
Can you go on dates with friends? If so then I do it quite a lot without realising it but I’ve always thought of it as ‘going for a drink with a friend’ rather than a date. So does that mean you can only go on a date with a stranger? Certainly in my experience what I would call ‘proper dates’ have been with girls I didn’t know very well. But then I know people who have been on dates with people they called friends but maybe didn’t know that well so perhaps it doesn’t really matter if you already know each other or not.
So what is that magical something that defines a date? Spending the evening with someone you can flirt with? I flirt with my friends so it can’t just be that. Spending the evening with someone you want to sleep with? I’d probably sleep with most of the girls I know given the right circumstances so it can’t just be that either. Does it has to be a combination if these things then? What makes you want to go on a date with someone in the first place? Certainly attraction has to be there to start with, that glance or smile that makes you want to go and talk to someone. Then you have to be able to talk, flirt and laugh together, wanting to get to know each other better so you will become friends later. But I think the most defining thing about a date, what makes it a date (a good one anyway), is almost indefinable. It’s that spark, that click, that makes you forget about everyone else in the room. The smiles and glances that carry on even though you’re sitting in front of each other. The desire to want to spend more time together, the desire to be close to each other which leads eventually to kissing and sex.
So that is what is missing from my nights out with female friends and keeps them from being dates, that indefinable spark.
I do like being able to answer my own questions 🙂